Welcome To
The web’s #1 source† for
Opie Cooper related hearsay.
†According to very reliable research.‡
Our Mission?
Absolutely.
Our Vision?
Of course. Sure.
Our goals, you ask?
Revenue streams?
Legitimate Business License.
Excellent questions.
Sharp.
Inquisitive.
Shows you’re bright…
But not cocky.
No. Not Cocky: confident.
We admire that.
We admire you.
We like the cut of your jib.
Which, by the way, is an actual colloquialism based on a real nautical term — referring to the triangular foresail of a ship, once used to assess a vessel’s origin, temperament, and likelihood of carrying scurvy.
These are the moment’s that define us. You, with your adorable, innocuous questions. Us with our transparent and refreshingly pirate-adjacent answers.
This is going well.
Who Are Opie Cooper?
Who Are Any Of Us, For That Matter?
Semantically, we’re a seemingly sentient dot along the “com” of existence.
The last rustlers and wranglers of wild words and feral fantasies—roaming the final frontier of legitimate literacy.†
Where our sentences roam free.
Grow wild.
Drift Apart.
Sometimes Turn on us.
Typical.
Still. It stings.
But that’s how you know you’re sentient:
Hope. Pain. Betrayal. Reinvention.
And the accompanying, encroaching overevaluation of what, if anything, we could have done differently.
Speaking in metaphor. Obviously.
Follow-Up Question:
Why Are You Here?
If you’ve read this far, it’s too late to pretend you don’t have an agenda. Perhaps you’re a potential employer doing a casual deep-dive.
A future fan.
A sentimental stalker.
Or one of any ex-significant others performing a routine vibe check.
No matter who you are (wink), we’re pleased to report that Opie Cooper is continuously evolving. Refining offerings, expanding capabilities, and defending your choices, his choices, and the Oxford comma.
So when the right opportunities arise—when timing, needs, and mildly overlapping ambitions align…
Who knows what meaningful, mutual connections (or reconnections) may unfold?†
Professional Copywriting
Film & Event Production
Cause Marketing
Legitimate Writing
Clients of Record. If Not of Memory
Those WHo Hired Or Paid Someone Who Paid Or Hired Someone Who Hired Or (maybe) Paid Us.
These brands, agencies, and institutions have—knowingly or otherwise—contributed to the professional DNA of Opie Cooper.
Directly? No.
Indirectly? Unequivocally.
Each one left their mark: a client brief here, a last-minute revision there. A line rewritten a dozen times for someone two seats removed from approval authority. A pitch deck that made it halfway up a chain of command before vanishing forever into a spam folder or “other” tab.
They don’t know us, specifically. But we still worked for them. Technically.
We’re not asking for acknowledgment. They almost certainly had no idea we were the ones behind the copy that launched that mid-tier regional initiative, or the tagline that almost made it through legal.
We don’t want compensation either. That ship sailed—promptly, enthusiastically, and likely underpaid—thanks to the wide-eyed optimism of our younger selves and the invisible subcontractor clause hidden inside a temp agency onboarding form.
At most, we hope for a nod.
Maybe a slow exhale and a half-smile from someone in brand management who feels… something.
Recognition? Déjà vu? Heartburn?
Or maybe—if the stars align and everyone’s ego is in retrograde—a hug.
Honestly.
A hug would be really nice.
